Introduction
In this section, I will identify what makes a bad personal statement and explain why it is a bad personal statement.
Personal statement 1
“Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry.” – Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel.I feel this quote reflects my own thrist for knowledge and that’s why I’ve had a love of reading from a young age, right from the time I could read The Very Hungry Caterpillar.These days my literary interests are rather more sophisticated, after all there’s nothing like Ulysses to show off one’s superior intelligence when indulging in my favourite activity (reading) in a coffee shop.I’m never happier than when I’m reading, and that’s why I want to study BA English Language and Literature at Oxford – that and the G&D’s ice cream! (Jokes!)
Oddly enough it was actually the film 10 Things I Hate About You that made me decide for sure that I wanted to study English. All my friends kept saying how much I remind them of Julia Stiles in that film with her passion for poetry.Its true, I do adore poetry and I have won quite a few awards for my own poems and everyone says how good they are. Poets I especially admire include John Keats, Sylvia Plath, William Wordsworth, Philip Larkin, Seamus Heany, John Milton and William Blake.I love novels too, my favourites being Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and Lord of the Rings.I’m not a one-trick pony though. I also enjoy history, especially the Edwardians, as I’m a big fan of Downton Abbey. Downton has given me an interest in the First World War, as we see its impact on the Crawley family. It seems especially pertinent to be thinking about the First World War in this centenary year.
I am best in my class for all my subjects, so I think I’d fit right in at Oxford. When I’m writing an essay I have a steely determination to get the best grade, not unlike a hunter whose only thought is to catch the biggest, most impressive stag he can set his sights on.
My AS grade in history wasn’t as good as I’d have liked, but my teachers say that was only because I got sidetracked by spending too much time reading and writing poetry!! I’d love to study it at university and it’s my joint favourite subject with English.
When I’m not winning poetry competitions or reading sophisticated books in my local cafe, I enjoy socialising with my mates and going to the cinema.
I’m applying for deferred entry as I’m having a gap year. 🙂
In the first paragraph, there are some spelling mistakes that don’t make the applicant look good or show off their skills. This looks very bad on a personal statement and makes the applicant looks bad. They also specifically refer to a university that they want to go to. This is bad because when they apply to other university’s it doesn’t look good. They also talk about their history skills which are not important when they are not applying to a history course. They also talk about their awards but don’t go into any detail this can make an applicant look very good but it is key to not show off. Applicants should not come up with excuses for why they didn’t get a good grade. Again this looks the applicant look bad and unprofessional. They should have explained why they are taking a gap year and what they will do.
Personal statement 2
To whom ever it might concern
Hello , My name is XXXX. I am from XXXX and currently in my senior year. I am XXXX years old and study in a Secondary school. In the past i have never really given much interest into my future, i did not care about what would happen but instead what is happening in my life right now. Unfortunatly i was blinded by the temptations of life at least for the better 16 years of my life. But then one day i realised to be succsesfull means that i need to work hard set forth and make my ideas happen.
I considered myself to that of a pack of wolves , each wolf a characteristic of my own whether it was my past, present future or yet devided i was. There was no leader for the pack, but luckily this past summer i went to this program in oxford called the oxford tradition, that truley changed my life. I studied there Politics and economics and through that i learnt where my future lies. In an instant i knew that i can help people with what i could learn in the future, and it is the future that i must change for the better of course.
I have four other siblings, all of them study in english programs/school except me, i guess i was the odd one out. Yet that only strengthened my reslove to get better in english and exceed them and many other students whose native language is english. I have never really given up and my way of life is “If you fall down seven times , you stand up eight” it gives me a burning desire to succeed in anything i do.
Over all i think i would be a great asset to any community , school , college. i would excel and pass many students and prove first to myself and then to everyone esle that not only i can do it but never doubted myself in the beginning.
Like the first personal statement this one has many spelling mistakes that the applicant clearly hasn’t checked. Another problem this personal statement has is that the applicant introduces themselves even though the university would already have this information. The applicant then spends too much time on talking about their past and future. Because of this they didn’t spend enough time on talking about what they did on the oxford course and how it will help them. They also talk a lot about proving everyone wrong and their work ethic instead of mentioning any of their skills that would help them for their course.
Personal Statement 3
How I See My Future?
Every person in life grows upon having a future, they would covet to see this as cheerfulness but, does everybody’s life tern out to be cheerful? Well I would say considering your future would be all regarding what you aspiration to occur, but for definite not everything will occur and all your wishes are not bound to come true
Firstly I am going to talk about what stage of my life I am at, well so far in my life I am retaking my GCSE’s as at school I failed only got a grade C in Art and design. The reason I failed was because of the death of my father. I am at the moment studying at Southgate College and I am doing GCSE English, Maths, Chemistry and ICT
In the future as for next year I hope to stay on at Southgate college and finish my GCSE in Physic, Biology and literature. I would like to take up A-Level Mathematics and Law. In the future I would like to become a lawyer . in order to become a lawyer I would like to study Law in university so I need Law a-level to do this. As for maths I need this for any kind of job I do and anywhere you go if you don’t have the skill in maths it won’t be very helpful for you. I also find maths and law exciting
Although I would like to become a lawyer, I would have to work hard towards this I would like to study in London universities, and do a sandwich course on la. This means that as well as studying I will also have the experience in this job afterwards. Although in order to study at university I will have to go into debt, because studying at university is quite expensive
In 2006, when I will be stating university, the prices are going up from one thousand five hundred pound to three thousand pounds. This is double the amount of fees that I will have to pay. Although the fees will not have to paid when I stat university but, the fees will be paid when I stat working through system similar to tax. Going to university would make a start to my career
I would like to plan my future as working hard towards becoming a lawyer and getting a job in London, why London? Well because London is a very big city and there are plenty of jobs available in this category. In the small towns of England there are not that many jobs available as this big city. By earning a degree I would say that I have earned my life a career. I would be able to stand on my own feet, so I can relay on myself
In my personal life I would not like a life partner but, I would like to be single, as I hate the idea of marriage. I have seen a lot of people with problems in their married life, what assurance do I have that that won’t happen to me? I am aware that life is full of risks but, this risk I will never take. In my personal life I would like to keep in touch with my best friend Isheeta(ishy). Isheeta really helps me out at times when I need her. For example when my father died last year she came to me without me having to tell her and gave me courage to live on my life
In conclusion I would say that life is full of surprises. As you are not always aware of what will happen when. Today I may want to imagine what I anticipate to happen in the future . for example my father I loved him cared for him but, I never even thought that I will lose him at such a young age. All things happen in life but I believe that you should leave it on god he will do as much as he can to help us. We can’t decide what will or will not happen, can we?
Like the other two statements this personal statement has many spelling mistakes. The applicant uses a title for their statement which is not needed. Their opening paragraph doesn’t introduce them self and is unrelated to the course they are applying for. Like the first personal statement the applicant makes excuses as to why they didn’t achieve the grade they wanted which is never a good idea as it makes the applicant look unprofessional. They also talk about what they are currently studying and where which is not necessary as they already have that information. They also talk about their personal life a lot which has nothing do with their course.
Games Design 